i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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