she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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