So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
