Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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