in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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