Me too!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The Olympian is in my bed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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