I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
