just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
