It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
