i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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