nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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