My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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