dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
