I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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