He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
