Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
