This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
