They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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