I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize