dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
