sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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