...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
