I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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