This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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