Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
