so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
