If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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