THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
