Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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