She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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