Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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