i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
