i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
