I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
