Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
