I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
