My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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