he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
