Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
