he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
