We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
