i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
