i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
