that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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