i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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