he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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