How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
