Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
