what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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