Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
