if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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