i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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