the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
