i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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