we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
