he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
