the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
