i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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