i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
