i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
