I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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