That's when you crack a 10am beer
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
