My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
