i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
