Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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