So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
