we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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